Story Idea

If you have a moment read this and let me know what you think:

Jim woke up at 4:30 AM creaking like an old tree in the breeze. He tasted the rancid alcohol on his tongue, left over from another night drowning his sorrows. His wife barely shifted as he pulled up his jeans and got up from the bed. He stumbled off to the kitchen to grab some cereal before he left for work. He tried to be quiet as he passed the children’s bedroom. If he woke them up then he’d catch hell from Ashley, his wife. A second shift nurse was not that angelic when sleep deprived.
Entering the kitchen he slowly stretched his muscles, hardened by daily labor. Jim used to wonder if his life could be different. He had so much going for him in high school. Now, he just did it. The cycle of life just a part of the routine that he found himself grinding out. Like a long distance runner, he just put one foot in front of the other neither remembering the beginning nor seeing the end.
He opened the fridge to grab some milk, but it was sour. He scribbled a note and added it to the collection of tidbits on the fridge door. Then he found a clean bowl and poured out some cereal. Grabbing a spoon he sat down and crunched away at the dry mix. Most days he would just stare at the report cards and family photos on the fridge door, but today his mind kept jumping back to his dream. Last night was the third night in a row of the harrowing nightmare. It wasn’t like any other dream he had before.
He stood on a bank of a river. In the middle was a boat. In the boat was his family. Even though Jim could swim, in his dream he knew it was impossible. There was a storm and waves were crashing against the shore. He told his wife it was stupid to go, but instead of turning and leaving he stood at the shore watching. Suddenly lightening struck behind him. He couldn’t turn. The storm began to grow. The winds whipped his face and the rain beat on his face but he kept staring at his family. Suddenly, a thirty foot wave rose above the small boat and swallowed it whole. Jim realized he was alone. Jim had never felt so alone. His heart ached and he tried to scream. He couldn’t. Then he felt it. He was burning. All his nerves were on fire. He had never felt such pain before, and he still felt the ache of loneliness. Then he fell back and kept falling. The horror of it all overwhelmed him. He never stopped falling and he always woke up then.
He usually shook it off and went back to sleep, but today it haunted him. He remembered the fire, the heat. He remembered the cold wind and rain beating him down. Yet, the most haunting and lasting feeling was the loneliness. He shivered, trying to shake the thought out of his head. He placed the empty bowl in the sink full of dishes and walked into the living room to retrieve a shirt. He picked up his work shirt from the floor and slung it over his shoulder as he retraced his through the bedroom to the bathroom. Five minutes later he was starting is truck and heading to work.
It was the same gray, misty morning he’d seen for the last ten years. The same train tracks and cracked roads, passing dark shapes as the rest of the town was still sleeping. He passed the Baptist church and the Mormon temple then passed the synagogue and the dollar store. His neighbor Johnny had worked at the dollar store ever since the accident at the shop where he and Jim had worked. After the law suit that Johnny didn’t want the shop shut down. Jim found a new job at a different plant, but Johnny with no right hand opened up a dollar store with his settlement money. He went to church everyday, not the Baptist church, the Catholic church on the other side of town. He always said it felt more like heaven when you’re at church with rich people. Jim always said that Johnny may have lost more than his hand in that accident.
Jim passed the gas station and drove the last five miles in peace, only passing a couple lumber trucks. The plant was a large rectangular steel structure were Jim and a few other shop workers helped assemble AC units. They were one of the few American companies left. Oddly enough a lot of the parts they used were foreign. Around the plant were a few strategically planted trees to help keep the energy costs low and so that the plant could use large industrial fans to cool the shop floor, instead of the AC units they assembled. He pulled in and parked in the same spot he had since Tom, the manager he replaced, left to work in sales. Tom was doing well, or had done well. The last Jim had heard of him, Tom had retired early after selling his own company and moving to Florida. Jim could picture Tom playing golf every morning while his wife sipped cool drinks on the beach with the other wives.
Jim felt so distant from that life, that thinking about it again brought back the dream. That feeling of loneliness crept back into his brain and seeped into his heart, turning it cold. He shook it off and climbed out of truck. He slammed the door and a couple birds flew out of the nearest tree. Jim was always the first there, and if it wasn’t for the next ten hour shift after his, he would probably be the last to leave. He had to give a lot to keep the job. When the company downsized he willingly agreed to a ten hour shift. When the company had to cut costs he agreed to less vacation. He had to miss his daughter’s birthday for the last four years, and he even worked Easter Sunday last year. Not that he minded, he didn’t like any church, let alone his brother’s church.
See his brother had done well for himself. He worked through college, where he ‘met’ God and decided to go on a mission trip. When he returned he won grants and scholarships and went to an Episcopal seminary. He had met a beautiful wife and got married. When their father was diagnosed with cancer, Jim’s brother returned home and started a new church. It had done really well. Jim’s brother had a great way of attracting his new rich friends while winning the hearts of his blue collared background. Within the last four years, his church became the largest in the area. They even helped rebuild Johnny’s home when it burned down.
Maybe that’s why he kept having the dream about lightening. Jim was a hero in many people’s eyes because he ran into the burning building to save his friend. Since then though, Jim began to loose his friend. Johnny began to go church more, and kept trying to Jim to go, but Jim would rather drink and sleep in on his one day off a week. The children would go, and sometimes Ashley would go, but Jim always slept in.
He walked slowly toward the door – the same white door that he had seen for the last ten years. The paint was beginning to flake off and the “employee entrance” sign was complete worn off. Jim knew what lay behind the door, but it didn’t help shake the feeling that he was alone. He knew that as soon as he got into the grind and saw his coworkers his feelings would vanish and he could focus on work. He liked his work. He didn’t have to think to much, it all made sense and no one really bothered too much. Every now and then, the plant manager would ask him to change this or that, but Jim made sure everything met the requirements.
He flipped the lights and grabbed his punch card. People told Jim that he must work at the only place that still used punch cards. He didn’t care. Change forced him to think about what was and what will happen. If things don’t change, then Jim didn’t have to think. He walked over to the desk, to look over the numbers and check his messaged. Another cost cutting idea was for the company to post the part projections of the month on a large white board on the wall. Messages were also handwritten. Computers were only given to those with customer contact. Jim didn’t ever speak to customers. So, any messages for Jim were handwritten and placed in his inbox. Like most days, the inbox was empty. The white board showed that the numbers were decreasing slightly; after all not many people used window units anymore.
He walked over to the coffee pot and starting making some as a couple of the guys walked in and punched in. They were laughing at a joke that someone had made outside. They walked over to Jim and all said good morning.
“What’s so funny?” asked Jim.
“Oh nothing really,” said Pete, “Juan here just had his first date last night.”
“How’d it go?” asked Jim. Shane, the plant manager, told Jim he cared to much for his workers and they would see that as a weakness, but Jim had always been kind to his workers – strict but kind.
“Ok,” said Juan blushing.
“Oh come on!” said Pete, “That’s not what you said outside! Our boy went all the way! On the first one too! Lucky little…”
Everyone laughed and Pete and Juan had a quick joke fight around the coffee station, but Juan was eyeing Jim to see what he would say next.
“So, Juan who was the lucky girl?” asked Jim.
Juan blushed and said, “Courtney.”
“Courtney, who?”
“Courtney Jasper,” Juan replied sheepishly.
“I always thought my niece was a little loose and had bad taste,” said Jim.
They all laughed and Pete pounded Juan on the back. They quickly progressed over everyone else’s weekend, but no one ever asked how Jim’s weekend was. That was the rule. They all grabbed a cup of coffee and took their respective places on the line.