Blind for Blessing

Blessing. Have you ever had one where when you were first blessed, it was earth shattering, then slowly becomes normal, even annoying or fill the blank. It goes from blessing to not blessing. Stories abound of men with insatiable lust. They want that woman more than life itself. Then they get them. Unfortunately, they've had to do so by force, or skill, something other than love. They try to satiate the lust, but once the object of his desire is forcibly used, abused even, then they hate her. Why? Probably cause they are the standing subject of their shame, a constant unrelenting reminder of what they took by force.

Tenacity. I have been looking for a better job. There is a company I would love to work for, I even felt led to work there. At first my tenacity was enveloped by faith. It was saturated by it. It lived because of faith.

Desperation. That is what my tenacity has become. I'm so desperate to get out of my job that I'll do anything to get that job. My interview drained me. Two days later I'm still struggling to stay awake. I feel completely out of energy and desire to do anything but sit and vegetate. I would even go so far as to say that my heart and faith now feel like a cheap whore used to satiate a man's reminder of some other girl. I was so desperate in my mind, that my heart was left behind to struggle in the aftermath of emotion-killing drive that had consumed me. How could I feel right to enter into a new place of work wanting to love and enjoy it, when everyday I stepped into my current place of work filled with hate. I'm really wanting to be someone else and accusing my work of my shameful actions instead trying to change what is wrong in me and look in compassion to these poor lost souls around me. So, I decided to do something purely for someone else at work. Even not for them, but for my place of work. It was a procedure that would streamline a different department's work. It was analyze reoccurring issues to better the process. This would not help me at all. I think it worked.

Faith. I need it so badly right now. I know that to get that faith that I need; that I need to offer up myself, my control, my pride at God's throne, throwing myself at His mercy begging that He will forgive me. I need to re-saturate my life with the faith that comes from Him. I cannot move anywhere, or even take my next breathe without Him. I've been thinking about doing Yoga with my wife to better our physical bodies; but as we listen to the Audio Book version Eat, Pray, Love I'm struck by the sense of spirituality in it. If all Christians could adapt the yogic methods gluttony would be abandoned, the mind - so analytical and power hungry - would be abandoned for the heart from which God can use us to save the lost and ease the suffering of this broken world around us, the meditative methods would calm our egos and sooth our anger. The issues that define our hypocrisy would be erased. The issue with yoga of course is the individuality of it. As the body of Christ though, we can apply the method's to His body and as His body transcend individually through corporate unity. Yoga does have origin's in other religions; but Jesus would isolate Himself to meditate and pray, David would come before the Lord in supplication, Enoch walked with the Lord to the point that he did not suffer bodily death... in fact it is when we are undisciplined in this that we fall asleep only to awake afraid and then resort to violence and anger as Peter did cutting off the ear of the servant. Maybe, I'm wrong with the yoga, but Mystics who have prayed fervently through the years have always done great good for the world, selflessly.

Interviews

Something about interviews make me nervous, even now at 9 am I have sweaty palms because of my interview at 2pm this afternoon. It is either the sign of my desperation, the sign of much I do not like where I work, or that I am an overanxious person. Actually, its probably all three. I'm trying to rely on God. Which I am learning (the implementing kind of learning) that we really shouldn't try because we'll fail; but if we focus so much on desiring to be faithful, God will see it and meet us there. If our faith is so focused and beseeching God for faith, then won't we be faithful in all we do? That's my thought for today, my hope for today, my desire for today. We'll see how it turns out.

Bold and Humbling Power: Acts 3:1-10

Acts 3

Peter Heals the Crippled Beggar

¹One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. ²Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. ³When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. ⁴Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" ⁵So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

⁶Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." ⁷Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. ⁸He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. ⁹When all the people saw him walking and praising God, ¹⁰they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

Its long sorry.

I've been reading Acts. As you can see I've only recently started. I've been trying to read a chapter at a time, but these ten verses just stopped me in my tracks. I was struck by the pure love. I was floored by the what was happening 'in between the lines'.

First, off they carry this guy to the Beautiful gate. A cripple from birth, mostly likely dressed in rags, he probably smells because he can't move to clean himself, his muscles atrophied, probably skin and bone, a leech on society. So, as people would walk through this 'beautiful' gate, he'd be there juxtaposed against the beauty, he would be there this scourge of the earth.

Of course, their heart strings tugged them to no end, the passersby would give him something. You had to. Your hypocrisy would otherwise be blatant. So, they dropped a coin barely giving him the time of day, averting their eyes.

Here's the second thing that floored me. See having served on an urban mission trip before I learned that the dehumanizing of such eye-aversion was worse than not giving. Peter being a fisherman, he's used to being smelly, avoided, looked down on, etc. Though people most likely gave Peter more respect, he was not much further up the proverbial ladder than this man. So, he, with all the empathy he can muster, looks this man straight in the eye. He even says, "Look at me!". He is boldly acknowledging this man's humanity. Something everyone else would rather not do. Peter has just spent three years unemployed following a messiah. He knows how to live off of people's offerings. We can easily conjecture about his financial thoughts after Jesus' death, because Peter returns almost immediately to fishing. Most likely heartbroken, disappointed, maybe even angry that Jesus was such a weak leader.

So, Peter looks at this man, knowing how it is to live at others mercy, knowing how it feels to be disappointed with life, knowing the degradation endured by those at the bottom of society's 'ladder', and knowing that this man is ready for something amazing.

Peter first gives this man something he probably doesn't get often: recognition; then something else most likely novel: honesty. Peter says, "I'm like you. I'm poor. I was crippled but in a different way. In a way we all are. But I also have the answer. I know you're ready, so I'm going to give to you. Because I know you barely have enough hope to ask. You have faith, why else would you be here at God's doorstep? Well, don't worry God is here."

Maybe, you don't like conjecture; maybe you can take this for what it is, not as much conjecture as it is translation and background info.

What you can't miss is this: Faith. How much faith must it take for that man to sit there day by day begging, for Peter to go and proclaim a risen and resurrected messiah when his nation wanted a physical warring messiah, for Peter to acknowledge God's power in him - power to do the extraordinary in the ordinary, and finally for Peter and John not to balk and run or try and quiet the man, but deliver the sermon that follows these versus.

People talk about an Apostolic age, like God's power in humanity has diminished. I think it's an excuse that modern comfort-loving Christians use to shirk from their responsibility of taking on the bold and humbling power of God. They (and I know because I'm one of them) would rather trust in their own strength and be favored by the world, than trust in God's strength and face persecution.

I have to look at it like this. It may be selfish but I think the perspective gained is more important: what has the world ever or will ever do for you? Really, what have they done for you? Ok, you can think of a few things. Good so can I. Maybe you feel fulfilled, included, even liked! But wait. Oh there they are: conditions. On what conditions do you gain these? Do you have to conform to them, buy there clothes, root for their team, go to their school, do their activities... take on their morals? How good is it now? How long will it last? Do you still feel included or used? And maybe you need to do this exercise with your weaknesses and not mine.

Now: what has God done for you? And I'm seriously asking you to think about something that you can only attribute to God. Maybe that job was through an old friend, maybe this, maybe that; not those. God is doing, has done, and will do things in your life or the lives of others that are inexplicable. These are miracles, these are the things of the 'apostolic age', these are the things which only the bold and humbling power of God can do through you.

So, why are we still catering to the world? Well, probably because we are short-sighted and selfish. I am, and if I am - me the finance plan 5 years in advance, the plan everything down to the dust mite - then I know many more will struggle with this as well.

But God is staring us down, saying, "Look at me! I don't have all the stuff of this world that you want, and you cling to. This stuff you don't need but want more than what you need. Well, I have what you need. What you really, really need. So, I'm going to give it to you."

There are no conditions with God, He loves, and through His love we are transformed. I hope and pray that you will take on the strength of our Lord letting go of your strength (which is really just weakness) so that we may transform this world by being beacons of the light of His love in this dark world.

Being Married is awesome

Forget everything you've heard about marriage. It is not a ball and chain. It should be freeing. Personally I have never been this motivated. I am so motivated to not let work get to me, to get a better job, to make sure I do well and continue to learn to advance myself. When I was single I was totally ok with just putting out the bare minimum to get by and then 'enjoy' life. Well, now that I'm married I have this major shift. I want to work less for more, to not only feel fulfilled in my job, but to make sure that my work does not interfere with my life. I don't want to worry about paying the bills, I don't want office drama to occupy my conversations with my wife.

I want to live freely, fully, and with my wife.

So, to you grumpy marriage haters. Say yes, to the true love that marriage brings. I did, and its awesome.