Blind for Blessing

Blessing. Have you ever had one where when you were first blessed, it was earth shattering, then slowly becomes normal, even annoying or fill the blank. It goes from blessing to not blessing. Stories abound of men with insatiable lust. They want that woman more than life itself. Then they get them. Unfortunately, they've had to do so by force, or skill, something other than love. They try to satiate the lust, but once the object of his desire is forcibly used, abused even, then they hate her. Why? Probably cause they are the standing subject of their shame, a constant unrelenting reminder of what they took by force.

Tenacity. I have been looking for a better job. There is a company I would love to work for, I even felt led to work there. At first my tenacity was enveloped by faith. It was saturated by it. It lived because of faith.

Desperation. That is what my tenacity has become. I'm so desperate to get out of my job that I'll do anything to get that job. My interview drained me. Two days later I'm still struggling to stay awake. I feel completely out of energy and desire to do anything but sit and vegetate. I would even go so far as to say that my heart and faith now feel like a cheap whore used to satiate a man's reminder of some other girl. I was so desperate in my mind, that my heart was left behind to struggle in the aftermath of emotion-killing drive that had consumed me. How could I feel right to enter into a new place of work wanting to love and enjoy it, when everyday I stepped into my current place of work filled with hate. I'm really wanting to be someone else and accusing my work of my shameful actions instead trying to change what is wrong in me and look in compassion to these poor lost souls around me. So, I decided to do something purely for someone else at work. Even not for them, but for my place of work. It was a procedure that would streamline a different department's work. It was analyze reoccurring issues to better the process. This would not help me at all. I think it worked.

Faith. I need it so badly right now. I know that to get that faith that I need; that I need to offer up myself, my control, my pride at God's throne, throwing myself at His mercy begging that He will forgive me. I need to re-saturate my life with the faith that comes from Him. I cannot move anywhere, or even take my next breathe without Him. I've been thinking about doing Yoga with my wife to better our physical bodies; but as we listen to the Audio Book version Eat, Pray, Love I'm struck by the sense of spirituality in it. If all Christians could adapt the yogic methods gluttony would be abandoned, the mind - so analytical and power hungry - would be abandoned for the heart from which God can use us to save the lost and ease the suffering of this broken world around us, the meditative methods would calm our egos and sooth our anger. The issues that define our hypocrisy would be erased. The issue with yoga of course is the individuality of it. As the body of Christ though, we can apply the method's to His body and as His body transcend individually through corporate unity. Yoga does have origin's in other religions; but Jesus would isolate Himself to meditate and pray, David would come before the Lord in supplication, Enoch walked with the Lord to the point that he did not suffer bodily death... in fact it is when we are undisciplined in this that we fall asleep only to awake afraid and then resort to violence and anger as Peter did cutting off the ear of the servant. Maybe, I'm wrong with the yoga, but Mystics who have prayed fervently through the years have always done great good for the world, selflessly.