Nerves

So, this week has been ridiculous.

That's probably the best way to sum it up. I had to put my Jeep to pasture and buy an awesome Subaru. It is bittersweet. I've wanted a Subaru for a while now, but leaving the Jeep after 3 years was more heart wrenching than I thought. First hump of the roller-coaster.

The next hump is this do-or-die interview I have today at 2. After 4 interviews, one with the recruiter and two with what will be my new supervisor if I get the job, it all comes down to this. After this one interview I either have or do not have the job. At least that is what they have led me to believe. Maybe this should have been the first because this feels like a straight drop down, as far as nerves go. I am trying to let my faith take over and rely solely on God. Though my faith has grown in this process, I am so nervous. I think its because this is my ticket out of a bad job. Maybe I'm putting too much on this job.

It doesn't help that work has been horrible. Maybe its that my escape is so close that everything seems worse, maybe it's my coworker going on vacation and leaving so much work unfinished and not telling me about it but I still need to do it, maybe it's my boss continually dropping bombs on me because he doesn't trust the employee who is now on vacation in Australia and I have to do all her work, maybe it's the CFO who never answers my emails when I ask him what I need to do then months done the line telling me to fix the mistakes that would have been made had he answered his emails, maybe it's the fact that owner completely ignores the fact that the plant here needs money instead telling me to send tens of thousands of dollars to start up another plant (I feel like I need to add this: we are an outsource machining company, the plant here has one con tract that ends very soon, the owner wants to expand in the north, we are barely making it already and now we have to support the expansion without any vision for when the contract runs out in the next few months, awesome), or maybe it's the fact that despite having only roughly 2 hours worth of work everyday I have to stay here to satisfy my boss and my bank account.

The problem with this roller-coaster is that there is no line. So, instead of stopping, safety bars rising taking with them my tension and filling me with relief, I am still riding. The operators smile manically ever time I go by and they just push the green button with a malicious grin. My stomach has risen and fallen so many times I'm not sure where it is anymore, my body is bruised from the jerking about, and I've run out of energy to sustain the emotions. My limp body is being thrown about willynilly until this ends...awesome.