Waiting:

I’m waiting for life to begin
I’m waiting to finally win
I’m waiting for my only turn
I’m waiting for money to burn
I’m waiting for you learn
I’m waiting for you to yearn
I’m waiting for my life to begin
I’m waiting to see if I win
I’m waiting to lose
I’m waiting to choose
I’m waiting for booze
I’m waiting for a muse
I’m waiting for you to begin
I’m waiting for us to win

Poem: Humanity

Oh, Love of my life where have you gone,
Is this over like every favorite song
Sung by the voice over the radio
The notes follow wherever you go
But where am I when you’ve left me
My eyes are straining against the sea
The waves are crashing against my brain
My head is pounding, my heart is insane

The four walls are dragging me down
I can’t stand up when you’re not around
I’ve looked high and I’ve searched low
But I’m not sure if that is how I’ll show
That I wish you were still here somehow
I’ve lost sight of you and can’t hear now
The waves crashing inside and around my brain
The silence drags on and is slowly turning me insane

I see the shape but where is the life
Is it all sitting on the edge of the knife?
They look so pretty as they sit in a row
They stand facing handle up against the foe
But is it hidden in the rows of steel
I wonder this; I wander is it ever real
Like the waves crashing down on my brain
Slowly growing, the tide ebbs to make me insane

Let’s hear the refrain
Echoing into our pain
The waves are crashing and destroying my brain
When will you, like me, begin to be driven insane?
The waves are crashing and eroding my soul
Can we cross this; we divide to take on the role
Of the waves crashing in someone else’s brain
Until we are all slowly driven completely insane

The peace of prayer

Prayer really helps. After everything I've gone through just today, I know that God is with me.

Today, I actually broke down. Hard for a guy to admit.

I got a call from a job that was positive. I'm in the running, and hopefully will hear in the next few weeks.

I finished the impromptu performance review, thanks to the Lord's help, in flying colors. I now have secured my job here at least for a little bit longer, so that I can focus on getting a new job without unemployment hanging over me.

phew... grace is amazing, God is good, and I can't wait to go home. Monday's are always better after work is done.

Crying, really this sucks

As a man it is very hard to admit to breaking down and crying. Well, that is what I did. On the phone with my wife, balling my eyes out in the cold database room that's really just a small closet. Yes, this sucks.

A couple months ago, I read Crazy Love. I prayed that God would help me live a life of faith. Today I am going to put that into practice.

God, I faith in you that whatever happens you will be there. That whatever I say that it will be truth and that you will be there. Lord, if I am rejected that you would be there. Lord, if my words are accept please be there. Lord, as I sit here wondering what to say please be here. As I drive home later you will be there. Lord, as my wife nannies you are there. Lord, let your grace shine upon, let me know your presence as intimately as my own skin, and let me know that you are here and with my always. I love you.

Struggles of Business Integrity

Do you take the blame or give it? When you boil it down to this question I think it becomes easier. We are called to be like Christ. As business people this looks like career suicide.

Try this question:

Do I stand up to my superior's or do I take the blame for their errors and those of others?

This is hard. Christ did. He took our sin. I am learning what it feels like to take on the mistakes of others. I would never say that I can ever attain to be like Christ, but I think God may be giving me a taste of what His son went through. Though the scale is like a grain of sand versus the galaxy, I have recently had to endure the blame for mistakes, the bad work ethic, and ignorance of my superiors and co-workers. I really believe that my coworkers have made an Olympian sport of blame deflection. This is not for the Christ follower, we should take responsibility for our actions; but what about taking the responsibilities for others?

I'm really struggling with this. I want to uphold my integrity, but is my pride getting in the way? Should I lay down my identity of integrity and take the blame for all of it? Can I handle that? Does integrity include this virtue? Is this what Christ meant by turning the other cheek? Is this what we are called to as Christians in the business world, to sacrifice success for...but what am I sacrificing for? To take another hit on the cheek? How many cheek lashing must I endure? Do I abandon aggressive business behavior to the detriment of supporting my family? Do I become the office scapegoat? And in the end what...? What will happen? Is Christ exalted? Is God glorified?

I know I shouldn't look to earthly and material things to gauge the success of the kingdom, but how do you mark the success of the kingdom in a business? Is it better to attain praise to receive responsibility with which change can be instigated? Or do I remain downtrodden, abused, cheeks red with continued blows? I'm not looking for an escape route, but at what point do I obey the command to care for my family and the understanding of being open to persecution? Or is there a distinction between spiritual and personal persecution? What I mean is do I let myself be killed for the kingdom? or (like this case) try and shift the blame to its appropriate place to assuage myself of the guilt and blame currently leveled at me? or am I to let go of the individual and personal in favor of the kingdom using personal persecutions as tests and trials that in the end will strip me of my selfishness in order to receive the serenity of Christ?

To be honest that sounds more like a Buddhist teaching than the love of Christ.

I guess then I should be asking, am I even in the right place. Should I abandon this materialistic lifestyle in favor of purely following Christ as I seek to save the lost? Should I sell all I own and enter into a missionary life in some deep dark jungle?

Or: Is this persecution the part and parcel struggle to be expected as a Christian in the work world?

Where does your strength lie?

I feel him standing over me, not oppressively, but because I'm laying broken on the floor my heart in tatters poisoning my mind. He's asking, "Where does your strength lie?"

My strength has been lying to me a lot lately, its been absent. I've run to safe havens, vulnerable and exposed to be rebuffed. I feel like my heart is exposed, my rib cage torn open, and their words are nothing but cold, icy, salty wind cutting deeper. I'm destroyed by this. So, I cover the exposure. I out armor over it. A thick breast plate covers the hole. I take up a large, thick shield to thwart any attack.

I'm on the floor crying. He's standing. He's asking. He's wanting an answer. So, am I.

I've fought to long, he says. I'm not alone, I never was. I open my eyes. The light floods in. A cleansing, healing light. Tears of sorrow turn to joy and run like rivers down a mountain.

"I'll put my strength in you. I will follow you. Fight before me, and I will be safe."

Nerves

So, this week has been ridiculous.

That's probably the best way to sum it up. I had to put my Jeep to pasture and buy an awesome Subaru. It is bittersweet. I've wanted a Subaru for a while now, but leaving the Jeep after 3 years was more heart wrenching than I thought. First hump of the roller-coaster.

The next hump is this do-or-die interview I have today at 2. After 4 interviews, one with the recruiter and two with what will be my new supervisor if I get the job, it all comes down to this. After this one interview I either have or do not have the job. At least that is what they have led me to believe. Maybe this should have been the first because this feels like a straight drop down, as far as nerves go. I am trying to let my faith take over and rely solely on God. Though my faith has grown in this process, I am so nervous. I think its because this is my ticket out of a bad job. Maybe I'm putting too much on this job.

It doesn't help that work has been horrible. Maybe its that my escape is so close that everything seems worse, maybe it's my coworker going on vacation and leaving so much work unfinished and not telling me about it but I still need to do it, maybe it's my boss continually dropping bombs on me because he doesn't trust the employee who is now on vacation in Australia and I have to do all her work, maybe it's the CFO who never answers my emails when I ask him what I need to do then months done the line telling me to fix the mistakes that would have been made had he answered his emails, maybe it's the fact that owner completely ignores the fact that the plant here needs money instead telling me to send tens of thousands of dollars to start up another plant (I feel like I need to add this: we are an outsource machining company, the plant here has one con tract that ends very soon, the owner wants to expand in the north, we are barely making it already and now we have to support the expansion without any vision for when the contract runs out in the next few months, awesome), or maybe it's the fact that despite having only roughly 2 hours worth of work everyday I have to stay here to satisfy my boss and my bank account.

The problem with this roller-coaster is that there is no line. So, instead of stopping, safety bars rising taking with them my tension and filling me with relief, I am still riding. The operators smile manically ever time I go by and they just push the green button with a malicious grin. My stomach has risen and fallen so many times I'm not sure where it is anymore, my body is bruised from the jerking about, and I've run out of energy to sustain the emotions. My limp body is being thrown about willynilly until this ends...awesome.

and it continues

So, I thought that my terrible morning would be the start to one of those wonderful days where you've already hit rock bottom and then everything gets better. Nope. Now I'm getting dragged across the rock bottom to make sure that my face is rubbed deeply enough in it that I never forget this day. Awesome.

the day with the name

Today sucks.

It was one of those mornings when I decided to wake up on the third alarm instead of the first or second. So, I got up at 6:30. Then everything just went super slow. It really was the toaster. I put the bagel in and walk away, thinking its toasting. Then, I come back. Its not plugged in. Ok, fine I still have some time. I walk away, thinking its toasting... I was wrong again. Though the bagel was weighing the toaster slots down it was not toasting. Then its starts toasting. I start eating at 7:00. Let me explain the relevance of this time. I usually get in the shower at 7:00. Which puts me getting in my car at 7:20. This will get me to work 25 miles away somewhere in the neighborhood of 7:50. I get in the shower today at 7:16. I leave around 7:30. I will be on time, getting to work around 8:00. No, wrong again. Today, my Jeep decides is the best day for the, then unknown, cracked radiator house to spew antifreeze all over my engine; or at least for the effects to be felt. This rather inexpensive ($700 - shoot me in the face!) repair needs immediate attention; not to mention the other $500 I will need to fork out to fix the suspension soon. This is really my brother's jeep, seeing as I never really paid him for it, and I seeing as he may want it back I have to fix it anyway.

Also, may I mention I detest my current job. The job I really want, that I have been interviewing for, is being elusive. The recruiter in their HR is not calling me back. She should be seeing as the person I interview with liked me and wants me to talk to the one last guy. The job, hopefully, will mean a pay grade increase, a shorter commute, a better work atmosphere, etc. The easiest way is to say, this grass doesn't just seem green, it doesn't matter because at least there's grass. I don't care if I'm going from a desert to a savanna after a wildfire, its still better. Though I doubt it will be like that, the guys I know that work there love it. Everyone loves it. It seems like a haven of worker zen, while I am scraping an existence in worker hell.

So, after an enjoyable weekend with my parents celebrating my grandmother's 85 birthday, I am back to hell and starting what is proving to be a horrible week. I am looking on the bright side though (you may not think so after this rant, you may not think it possible after this rant), and its not the "someone else has it worse" silver lining, it's this "can my week really get any worse?" I'm going to say that this is the worst and from here on out everything will just be so much better. Hey, even the annoying co-worker is on vacation. Now, if only my boss would go on a sudden and extended vacation, actually if he just took the rest of the day off I'd be happy.

Needless to say, I'm looking at Subaru's and I'm about to employ that idea that "someone has it worse" by trying to cheer myself up by checking out fmylife.com, and maybe I'll peruse that last night's text place, too.

Blind for Blessing

Blessing. Have you ever had one where when you were first blessed, it was earth shattering, then slowly becomes normal, even annoying or fill the blank. It goes from blessing to not blessing. Stories abound of men with insatiable lust. They want that woman more than life itself. Then they get them. Unfortunately, they've had to do so by force, or skill, something other than love. They try to satiate the lust, but once the object of his desire is forcibly used, abused even, then they hate her. Why? Probably cause they are the standing subject of their shame, a constant unrelenting reminder of what they took by force.

Tenacity. I have been looking for a better job. There is a company I would love to work for, I even felt led to work there. At first my tenacity was enveloped by faith. It was saturated by it. It lived because of faith.

Desperation. That is what my tenacity has become. I'm so desperate to get out of my job that I'll do anything to get that job. My interview drained me. Two days later I'm still struggling to stay awake. I feel completely out of energy and desire to do anything but sit and vegetate. I would even go so far as to say that my heart and faith now feel like a cheap whore used to satiate a man's reminder of some other girl. I was so desperate in my mind, that my heart was left behind to struggle in the aftermath of emotion-killing drive that had consumed me. How could I feel right to enter into a new place of work wanting to love and enjoy it, when everyday I stepped into my current place of work filled with hate. I'm really wanting to be someone else and accusing my work of my shameful actions instead trying to change what is wrong in me and look in compassion to these poor lost souls around me. So, I decided to do something purely for someone else at work. Even not for them, but for my place of work. It was a procedure that would streamline a different department's work. It was analyze reoccurring issues to better the process. This would not help me at all. I think it worked.

Faith. I need it so badly right now. I know that to get that faith that I need; that I need to offer up myself, my control, my pride at God's throne, throwing myself at His mercy begging that He will forgive me. I need to re-saturate my life with the faith that comes from Him. I cannot move anywhere, or even take my next breathe without Him. I've been thinking about doing Yoga with my wife to better our physical bodies; but as we listen to the Audio Book version Eat, Pray, Love I'm struck by the sense of spirituality in it. If all Christians could adapt the yogic methods gluttony would be abandoned, the mind - so analytical and power hungry - would be abandoned for the heart from which God can use us to save the lost and ease the suffering of this broken world around us, the meditative methods would calm our egos and sooth our anger. The issues that define our hypocrisy would be erased. The issue with yoga of course is the individuality of it. As the body of Christ though, we can apply the method's to His body and as His body transcend individually through corporate unity. Yoga does have origin's in other religions; but Jesus would isolate Himself to meditate and pray, David would come before the Lord in supplication, Enoch walked with the Lord to the point that he did not suffer bodily death... in fact it is when we are undisciplined in this that we fall asleep only to awake afraid and then resort to violence and anger as Peter did cutting off the ear of the servant. Maybe, I'm wrong with the yoga, but Mystics who have prayed fervently through the years have always done great good for the world, selflessly.

Interviews

Something about interviews make me nervous, even now at 9 am I have sweaty palms because of my interview at 2pm this afternoon. It is either the sign of my desperation, the sign of much I do not like where I work, or that I am an overanxious person. Actually, its probably all three. I'm trying to rely on God. Which I am learning (the implementing kind of learning) that we really shouldn't try because we'll fail; but if we focus so much on desiring to be faithful, God will see it and meet us there. If our faith is so focused and beseeching God for faith, then won't we be faithful in all we do? That's my thought for today, my hope for today, my desire for today. We'll see how it turns out.

Bold and Humbling Power: Acts 3:1-10

Acts 3

Peter Heals the Crippled Beggar

¹One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. ²Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. ³When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. ⁴Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" ⁵So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

⁶Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." ⁷Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. ⁸He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. ⁹When all the people saw him walking and praising God, ¹⁰they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

Its long sorry.

I've been reading Acts. As you can see I've only recently started. I've been trying to read a chapter at a time, but these ten verses just stopped me in my tracks. I was struck by the pure love. I was floored by the what was happening 'in between the lines'.

First, off they carry this guy to the Beautiful gate. A cripple from birth, mostly likely dressed in rags, he probably smells because he can't move to clean himself, his muscles atrophied, probably skin and bone, a leech on society. So, as people would walk through this 'beautiful' gate, he'd be there juxtaposed against the beauty, he would be there this scourge of the earth.

Of course, their heart strings tugged them to no end, the passersby would give him something. You had to. Your hypocrisy would otherwise be blatant. So, they dropped a coin barely giving him the time of day, averting their eyes.

Here's the second thing that floored me. See having served on an urban mission trip before I learned that the dehumanizing of such eye-aversion was worse than not giving. Peter being a fisherman, he's used to being smelly, avoided, looked down on, etc. Though people most likely gave Peter more respect, he was not much further up the proverbial ladder than this man. So, he, with all the empathy he can muster, looks this man straight in the eye. He even says, "Look at me!". He is boldly acknowledging this man's humanity. Something everyone else would rather not do. Peter has just spent three years unemployed following a messiah. He knows how to live off of people's offerings. We can easily conjecture about his financial thoughts after Jesus' death, because Peter returns almost immediately to fishing. Most likely heartbroken, disappointed, maybe even angry that Jesus was such a weak leader.

So, Peter looks at this man, knowing how it is to live at others mercy, knowing how it feels to be disappointed with life, knowing the degradation endured by those at the bottom of society's 'ladder', and knowing that this man is ready for something amazing.

Peter first gives this man something he probably doesn't get often: recognition; then something else most likely novel: honesty. Peter says, "I'm like you. I'm poor. I was crippled but in a different way. In a way we all are. But I also have the answer. I know you're ready, so I'm going to give to you. Because I know you barely have enough hope to ask. You have faith, why else would you be here at God's doorstep? Well, don't worry God is here."

Maybe, you don't like conjecture; maybe you can take this for what it is, not as much conjecture as it is translation and background info.

What you can't miss is this: Faith. How much faith must it take for that man to sit there day by day begging, for Peter to go and proclaim a risen and resurrected messiah when his nation wanted a physical warring messiah, for Peter to acknowledge God's power in him - power to do the extraordinary in the ordinary, and finally for Peter and John not to balk and run or try and quiet the man, but deliver the sermon that follows these versus.

People talk about an Apostolic age, like God's power in humanity has diminished. I think it's an excuse that modern comfort-loving Christians use to shirk from their responsibility of taking on the bold and humbling power of God. They (and I know because I'm one of them) would rather trust in their own strength and be favored by the world, than trust in God's strength and face persecution.

I have to look at it like this. It may be selfish but I think the perspective gained is more important: what has the world ever or will ever do for you? Really, what have they done for you? Ok, you can think of a few things. Good so can I. Maybe you feel fulfilled, included, even liked! But wait. Oh there they are: conditions. On what conditions do you gain these? Do you have to conform to them, buy there clothes, root for their team, go to their school, do their activities... take on their morals? How good is it now? How long will it last? Do you still feel included or used? And maybe you need to do this exercise with your weaknesses and not mine.

Now: what has God done for you? And I'm seriously asking you to think about something that you can only attribute to God. Maybe that job was through an old friend, maybe this, maybe that; not those. God is doing, has done, and will do things in your life or the lives of others that are inexplicable. These are miracles, these are the things of the 'apostolic age', these are the things which only the bold and humbling power of God can do through you.

So, why are we still catering to the world? Well, probably because we are short-sighted and selfish. I am, and if I am - me the finance plan 5 years in advance, the plan everything down to the dust mite - then I know many more will struggle with this as well.

But God is staring us down, saying, "Look at me! I don't have all the stuff of this world that you want, and you cling to. This stuff you don't need but want more than what you need. Well, I have what you need. What you really, really need. So, I'm going to give it to you."

There are no conditions with God, He loves, and through His love we are transformed. I hope and pray that you will take on the strength of our Lord letting go of your strength (which is really just weakness) so that we may transform this world by being beacons of the light of His love in this dark world.

Being Married is awesome

Forget everything you've heard about marriage. It is not a ball and chain. It should be freeing. Personally I have never been this motivated. I am so motivated to not let work get to me, to get a better job, to make sure I do well and continue to learn to advance myself. When I was single I was totally ok with just putting out the bare minimum to get by and then 'enjoy' life. Well, now that I'm married I have this major shift. I want to work less for more, to not only feel fulfilled in my job, but to make sure that my work does not interfere with my life. I don't want to worry about paying the bills, I don't want office drama to occupy my conversations with my wife.

I want to live freely, fully, and with my wife.

So, to you grumpy marriage haters. Say yes, to the true love that marriage brings. I did, and its awesome.

Colossians 3:15

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Wednesday, June 23
Colossians 3:15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

I'm somewhat of a worrier. I never was, but I am now. Maybe that's because having left home and struck out on my own, now about to get married, I've got a lot more responsibility. Whatever the reason, I worry. Yet, as a Christian I am called to not worry. This is part of the process of letting the 'Old Man' die and letting the 'New Man' live. A major part of that is surrender. We are asked in this verse to let His peace rule in us. Two things are important in this: peace and rule. We have to stop warring against God and we have to let Him rule. We have to stop trying to get and give up control. Why? Well, as redeemed Christians we are now part of one body. A body that attacks itself, or its head (our spiritual Head being Christ), is considering medically as diseased. So, we the church, who are considered the body 0f Christ, are what? diseased? Logically yes. The issue is that many of us are aiding and abetting the disease instead of fighting it. We need to take on His peace and let Him be the avenger, while we humbly take on His yoke and do His work.

Be thankful....? Really? What a weird way to end a verse. Yet, the truth stands. If we are redeemed by Christ's love, if we accept that love, if we act on that love, if stop fighting, if we surrender, then we will see something marvelous. We will see what God has given to redeem us, why then shouldn't we be thankful? It's almost though as if Paul, recognizing how long the disease has been ravaging God's people, has given us symptoms of what a healthy body of Christ would look like.

So, take this to heart: stop fighting, surrender to a rule of peace, and you will be thankful and will live a thankful life blessed by your King.

Matthew 16:25

Tuesday, June 22
Matthew 16:25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

What does it really look like to lose our lives? To stop hanging on to life?
Maybe another good question to ask to start this would be: have you ever felt that you are hanging on, desperately hanging on? What are you hanging on to?

I once heard a sermon where the preacher described someone on their deathbed clinging to the bed rails as if they were hanging on to life itself. Well, God is saying to let go. To let go of the life around us and cling to Him and the life He has. This reminds me of something my priest discussed with my fiance and me in pre-marital counseling. This idea that 'caving-in' to let the argument end doesn't help at all. The argument has not ended it will return and when it does it will be worse. You have to look at the long run, the short-term calm is nothing but a smoke screen. In the Bible Jacob bought Esau's birthright for a bowl of soup. He was so focused on the short-term that he forgot to think about the future. Does that sound familiar? Does that resonate with you? Unfortunately, our society is so focued on the moment that it has become counter cultural to really think in the long-term; but isn't that what we are called to be? Aren't we supossed to be counter-cultural? If a Christian is comfortable in the world, are they really a Christian?

A book called 'the Hole in the Gospel' addresses this. My father mentioned it in his sermon Sunday (I actually haven't read the book). We have lost our love for the needy and have worshiped the stardom of success. Our focus has slipped, from God to god-like-men; and we are paying for it.

1 John 4:8

Word on the Way is a passage sent out daily by Way.FM

Friday, June 18
1 John 4:8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

As humans our sin separates us from God. We are not of Him, despite being created in His image, because we have lost the ability to love as He loves. Would you gladly give your life for those who hate you? We can barely sit in a room with someone we don't like. We split churches over supposed slights. As the church we need to stand in front of the mirror and realize that we have forgotten who God is. The sad thing is we represent this God. If we claim to be His followers we should follow Him. He is calling us to let go of the sin that separates us. He is calling us to renew ourselves in His image. He is calling us to be His bride. Where has the love gone? Why do we so easily fall into believing that this world has anything for us? Our God has redeemed us and given us life, let us follow Him in that.

Proverbs 28:23

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Thursday, June 17
Proverbs 28:23 In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery.

I think its cool when the bible throws out stuff like this - really down to earth advice you would hear from your mother. Too often verses are placed on this overly religious pedestal. We make it so unreachable that its up their with flying (like superman, not in a plane) and invisibility. Yet, unlike superhero abilities it has begun to be mixed with fear. This fear is desperate because we know we need to attain it but we can't. Well, this just in (aka 2000+ years ago) God took care of that and He's asking for a down-to-earth day-to-day relationship.

That's why this verse is more than just down-to-earth, its a call to action. We need to honestly criticize ourselves, our churches, our leaders, our friends, etc. so that we can stop flattering ourselves into believing that we are worth anything without God. He is our sole worth, without Him we are nothing. Give up the need to attain anything because God is giving it freely.

Luke 6:45

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Wednesday, June 16
Luke 6:45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

The heart is well hidden by pride. The heart is well hidden in silence. The heart is shown not necessarily by words, but by actions. We get frustrated with our leaders when they speak well and do nothing; and I think God does as well. The difference is He is long-suffering. If we take His love His goodness overcomes our evil and whatever Satan wishes to put in our hearts; but it is true what flows out shows what is within. Test yourself, as I am doing right now, and then come humbly before the Lord recognizing your place as the needy and receive His goodness.

2 Corinthians 4:8 and 9

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Tuesday, June 15
2 Corinthians 4:8 and 9 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Today I posted "[I'm] in need of a little faith and hope" as my facebook status. What greater hope than what this verse screams out to us! We are actively pursued by the devil and life trying to break us down, but God like the supernatural superhero that He is protects us from it all. For me this is just amazing, because I am struggling to get out of a very bad job and into a place where I can be less tempted into anger, fear and pride. Couple this verse with the great Tenth Avenue North songs that I have playing through my headphones right and its as if God is speaking through the words telling me to not despair; that though I am "pressed on every side by troubles" I am not "crushed". It's so easy to feel clostraphobic in this broken world, but God is there and He has saved us.

Hebrews 11:1

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Monday, June 14
Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

It's hard to stand up against a world so bent against faith, at least faith in something unseen. We tend believe in ourselves, and the only unseen thing we believe in is what we hope to achieve. So, logically we tend to shift away from an unseen force that guides us; and if we do ascribe to an unseen force it is one that is random enough to manipulate. The hardest part about faith is the loss of control. If we believe enough in ourselves that we can overcome an opponent, we are hoping that our effort is greater than theirs, or we are luckier than they. Yet, true faith is more than that. Faith comes from a place when you know you are less than your opponent. Faith comes from a place of losing. Faith comes from a place when you realize what you bring to the table is not enough.

Here's the problem for us. When I say us, I mean modern Christianity in the first world. The problem is, we have the luxury of bringing a lot to the table. The truth is, we are like a well trained sports team who can't keep our heads in the game. We have the right equipment, and we may even know how to use it; but we need more than just drills and expensive stuff. We've lost the heart and soul of the game. We've become more bent on looking good and being seen as the best, that we've forgotten why we are playing. We've bet our assurance and confidence on our selves. We've decided that by what we do, say, have, etc. we can, by ourselves, triumph.

Jesus, during His time on earth, continually healed people because of their faith. Paul urges us to live by faith. Faith is the think that sets us apart. Despite how bad it looks to the world, we are going bet all our chips on God and not on ourselves or anything man can do.

Deuteronomy 11:1

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Friday, June 11
Deuteronomy 11:1 You must love the LORD your God and obey all his requirements, decrees, regulations, and commands.

Too often I look at verses like this one as an order shouted by our commando God in 'boot-camp' churches where fear reigns. The truth is much deeper and sweeter. To look at this verse I want to put it in some context first. The reason being is sometimes Jesus can be used as the Sunday school answer to why we should obey; but Deuteronomy was written long before Jesus came down to earth. Let's think about why the Hebrew nation would love God.

The nation was established with Jacob/Israel's twelve sons. Then one of those sons was sold into slavery and brought to Egypt. Through God's provision that son rose to be the second in charge. He used his position to save his family and therefore the nation of Israel from a seven year famine. Generations later the Jewish identity was reestablished as the Egyptians put them under their feet and used them as slave labor. The Hebrews renewed their worship of the One true God, Who then sent Moses to lead the people out of Egypt. To free them from bondage. To end their slavery. So, as Moses bartered for their freedom God showed up and showed Pharaoh it was time to let his people go. There is a prevailing arguement that because of the loss of all the first born children in Egypt, the reigning Pharaoh died (being himself a first born) and a new Pharaoh came to power. This Pharaoh pursued the Jews into the desert after having already granted their freedom. God showed up and opened up a sea for them to cross on dry land, then drowning the pursuing Egyptians.

God then leads them through the wilderness. He disciplines them, feeds them, sustains them, He loves them. While doing all this He gives them His laws through Moses. When reading the verse in context it seems that the Hebrews don't really need a reminder, they should be forever grateful to their God; but they aren't. These Hebrews are living in a wilderness. Too often they took their eyes of their Lord and realized that their surroundings were very bleak. They could not see the land they were promised and focused instead on the barren land around them. They were unsatisfied living off of what God gave them, they wanted more.

Sound familiar? When have you lost sight of God's provision and felt lost in a wilderness? I know it's not easy when you're standing in a barren land, being laughed at by the world and even your fellow sojourners because you want to follow God fully.

Remember this, God loved you first. God came down to save you from your slavery to sin. He came to take you home. Yes, this life is full of brokenness; but we cannot forget that we are traveling out of here. If we believe and follow Him we will love Him and we will arrive at Home in the promised land.

Psalm 103:8

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Thursday, June 10
Psalm 103:8 The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

Supposedly, we are created in God's image. I say supposedly because when I read this verse I feel nothing like God. If this verse is true then my 'God-like' image must be only skin deep. I do not resemble my Lord at all.

Yesterday, I was given a great gift from a child. Some friends of mine have recently adopted a child from Siberia. Remembering how she ran around makes me reflect about our spiritual condition. We are like that. In our state of sin we were very much like an orphan in Siberia. Now, God has brought us home, but we're still acting like orphans partly because we don't know better and maybe mostly because we don't want to be constricted by this new life. We have learned our rules and now we stand opposed to our new home oblivious of the dangers that our Lord is wanting to save us from continually. His love is unfailing. He is compassionate and merciful.

Nahum 1:7

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Wednesday, June 9
Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good. When trouble comes, he is a strong refuge. And he knows everyone who trusts in him.

I think this is something we all need to hear from time to time. When you're tired. When you've been tried and suffered. When you feel that you've given all you can already. That's when God becomes more relevant. That's when we see that's He's been here all along and we just fall into His arms. We abandon our need to be strong and rely on His unfailing strength. We take our worries and our hopes and our needs and say, "Lord, I'm not worthy to be with you but you have promised to forgive and to love me. I need that now." Be honest and vulnerable but also be trusting. Know that even though you fail, God never fails and He never counts our failures against us.

Take this with you today, and know that it is God who will carry you to tomorrow.

Isaiah 44:22

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Tuesday, June 8
Isaiah 44:22 (God Speaking) "I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free."

"Return to me". Those words resonate with me. I feel that life distracts us so much sometimes that we really need to stop and return to Him. We need to quiet down the noise, stop the deadlines and to-do lists, look away from the billboards and flashy advertisements, and return to Him in quiet and focused worship. I know how hard it is to focus on Him when the world feels like it won't ever stop spinning.

But the truth is He has paid a much higher price than our deadlines, budgets, jobs, etc. He has taken away the debt that we owe against each other, creation, and ultimately Him for all the wrong that we have done. He has erased all the bad and is calling us home, back to Him. The invite is personal and loving. It is simple. "Return to me".

Psalm 37:23-24

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Monday, June 7
Psalm 37:23-24 The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

It is very strange to think that someone, other than ourselves, is directing our steps. I think it is even more strange for us Christians to accept that God is directing our steps; that He is there in what we are doing now. Well, unless of course we are doing things that are clearly not from God; but I think that is where we get hung up. Too many of us say that our jobs and 'mundane' lives are not good enough for God; but in the same breath we say that our lives are good because they are stable. Though I clearly think that God is calling us to something different, I also believe that He is not necessarily calling us out of our lives. God asks us to be different. Here on this earth, in this job, at this time, in every detail of our lives we must follow Him, with His strength. He knows we will stumble. He knows we are broken people; but He is there to save us, again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again....

Job 5:11

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Friday, June 4
Job 5:11 He [God] gives prosperity to the poor and protects those who suffer.

Passages like these have caused some to leave the faith completely. For some it has caused struggle. I have struggled; because it sounds so good until I look at the world. Then like many I begin to question, which leads to doubt, which for some leads to not believing at all. How do you answer, "Where was God when my mother died? during the holocaust? in war? etc." Pick the scenario; but when you look at the raw brokenness of life, trite words and phrases learned in Sunday School seem empty and useless. Where is God? He is there; but maybe not in the way you think He is.

The Bible is often described as a love story, albeit an odd one sometimes and maybe that's because it's a Hebrew love story not a Hollywood love story. God created us in His image and loves us. He made us His people. We rebelled. He loves us so much He wants to be married to us. So, His son came down to pay the price for us. Then He left to prepare a place for us. So, He sent us His Holy Spirit. To dwell in us. See, in Gensis when Adam and Eve are married by God, there is a verse that reads: "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one (Genesis 2:24, NLT)." This is God's picture of marriage. Paul describes the church as a "a pure bride to one husband—Christ (2 Corinthians 11:2, NLT)." If we are the bride of Christ then we are to be united to Him as ONE! We are to be ONE with GOD!! Paul even describes the Church as the body of Christ! "All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it (1 Corinthians 12:27, NLT)."

Isn't that wonderful! We are one with our savior Jesus Christ our Lord and God.

Isn't it sobering. Think about it.
We are His body. We are His body. We are His body.

Do you get it yet? I'm still struggling to grasp it fully; because if I really am part of His body, doesn't that mean that I represent Him. His Holy Spirit is supposed to be in me, and I'm supposed to be His body...yeah, well look at my life and tell me if I really look like Christ. The answer is no.

Christ's love has redeemed me. Christ has promised Himself to me, and as a token He has provided the Holy Spirit, which is like having Christ anyway because the Holy Spirit is the third part of the same God. So, I'm free from who I was and now I'm part of the body of Christ. We have overused that word and it means something different now. Think about what that word really means! Because right now the 'body' of Christ has Parkensons. We are not listening to Christ our head at all! And that is why this verse is not relevant to our world. That is why people leave the Church. That is why we are the biggest hypocrites in town. That is why others have to step in the gap and do our job - healing the sick, visiting the widows, orphans, and prisoners, clothing the homeless, feeding the hungry, saving the lost, stopping human trafficking, ending wars, fighting against injustice, etc., etc., etc. and another never ending etc.!

But there is an end to injustice and suffering, and we have the key. It is Christ. Through Christ we enter into the presence of our Lord, we enter heaven. It is our love for the one who loved us first, and loves us still, which must compel us to be like Him and to do and be and speak the good news.

Luke 11:36

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Thursday, June 3
Luke 11:36 If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.

If you are something then you will do things that are attributable to being that thing. If you are a lion you do not eat grass. If you are zebra you do not eat meat. If you are an apple tree you do not grow grapes, and if you are a thorn bush you do not grow cherries.

If you are a lantern filled with light you shine out that light, unless you cover up the light or you run out of fuel. If you cover up your light you are useless. A lantern is meant to give out light, you may radiate some heat and that might be helpful in certain situations but its not what you were made for. A covered lamp does not show the way or light up what is around it; just like a lamp with no fuel. It does not have the essence of what gives it life and therefore cannot perform its duty. The wick my burn for a small amount of time, but it will soon go out.

If you are a Christian, you cannot hide what you are and still be who you are. To be a Christian is to go and to do what God has called us to do. We have to be visible in order to be doing His work. We also have to be in communion with Him and the body. We have to actively seek Him and be filled with Him. We need to partner with others who have taken up His call to action, so that we may be strengthened and encouraged by them. We need to make sure that some one is always disciplining us to ensure our obedience to God.

This all comes with a price. See if you hold a lantern, those in the dark will see where you are; and many will shrink away, some may even try to put out your light, those around you will dim their lanterns and expect the same from you, and some will come to your light - not because it's your light but because the Light of the World is shining through you.

Stand firm in the Lord who not only shines through you but will also ensure your safety in the night.

One Day at a Time

I changed the name of my blog a couple weeks ago. I feel like it encapsulates where I want to be in my faith and life. I want to focus on each day to see what God wants me to do. This is a humbling experience and I'm not really pulling it off perfectly, but that's the point. I need to be in a place of faith. It's too easy to not rely on faith in America. It's too easy to get distracted. I'm tired of distractions and rabbit trails that lead nowhere good. Life is too short, and since I want mine to have purpose I am relying on God, one day at a time.

I hope you enjoy reading the scripture commentaries I've been posting. I want them to encourage and help you. I know they have been helpful for me as I write them.

James 2:19

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Wednesday, June 2
James 2:19 You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?

I know this verse very well. I've heard it many times adding fuel to the inquisition fires (small and large). Today I want to shy away from using this as a faith-tester verse. I want to look at it as an applicable verse - a life changing verse. This is not a license to gossip and judge, this is an internally searching verse.

If you love cars, do spend all your time sailing? If you love art, do you spend all your time studying equations? If you love Jesus, do you spend all your time sinning?

I'm not saying we should all ascribe to a list of rules so that we don't sin. The rules, though good, are not what we need to follow. We need to follow Jesus. Why? Because when you look at the rules He's asking us to obey you see that He really loves us.

I have to ask myself, "if we follow Jesus Christ, who died to save us, why is Gandhi the modern standard for 'good deeds'?" I'm not asking for Christians to have that kind of fame, but I am asking why we are not on the front lines of global activism. Jesus came to save the lost and stood against the establishment. Why? Because they forgot who they were supposed to be ruling. Jesus came as the answer to economic stability, environmental sustainability, political calm, etc. His Love will conquer all.

His love is the answer, and if we believe that shouldn't we be acting on it? The way you act will be different to the way I act; but inactivity is not an answer. As Paul said, "Christ's love compels us, (2 Corinthians 5:14 NIV)" therefore we go and do good things.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

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Tuesday, June 1
Ecclesiastes 7:8 Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride.

Ok... I'm not really sure what to do with this. I'm guess I'm too proud to back down so I'm going to tackle this, but how?

For someone on the cusp of so many good things, this is a very weird verse to read...well, at least the first part. Patience over pride is an easy concept to understand even if it's really hard to implement. Though patience and pride are an odd pairing, we know that as Christians patience is much better than pride. Patience is long-suffering, kind, loving; while pride is arrogant, distant, self-serving. As believers in and followers of Jesus we should emulate patience and rid ourselves of pride.

Other than proving its own point, I think that the verse is speaking about endurance. That the end is better than the beginning. To understand this, think about a race. Though the beginning is important, it's what you do after that which will produce the outcome.

An excuse used by our society is "I was born this way" or "my parents made me this way"; but there is much truth in the many quotes that go something like this, "your choices define you". You can be a king or a hobo, what you choose to do with your life, resources, etc. defines who you are.

In a race, if you start off well that helps, but if you look back and start comparing yourself with others you slow down. You think that you're ok and that no one will beat you. Your pride gets in the way. Then, someone else will outrun you. It is not the one who begins the best, but the one who ends the best who will receive the medal. That takes patience. That takes determination. That takes effort, endurance, and never ending motivation.

As humans we cannot run the race ourselves. We're so lost we don't even know if we're on the right track. We follow other goals, other ends. Its as if we got in our running gear and then blindfolded ourselves, hoping to follow the noise of the crowd to show us the right way. We're not getting anywhere. I'm not getting anywhere. Too often I willingly blind-fold myself and run away from God's reward.

He is the reward. He is the motivation. He is the end, and He will provide the patience, endurance, and determination because He has already provided the effort. Somehow I forget this. Yes, there are days when I am basked in the bright beauty of His glory, but other days I blindfold myself. I just forget. How? How can we forget? I get so lost in the crowd, I hear their voices, I see their shiny lives, and I get sidetracked. But How? How do I forget?

God loved me, even though I'm a sinner - even though I do wrong, I live only for myself - He gave it all! See He didn't just die. He gave up His glory to come down from heaven and woo His people, and then He died without His glory. He gave up heaven to come down and be with His people, then He gave up His life, and then He sent His Holy Spirit. I am floored by His love, and somehow I still forget.

Lord, forgive me. Let me not be swayed by this world. Let me keep my eyes on you, that I may run and run only to you. I started off badly, I started off alone lost in my sin; but now I have you. Let me run to you, that the end may be sweet and beautiful, better than the beginning.

Word on the Way - Deuteronomy 13:4

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Monday, May 31
Deuteronomy 13:4 Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.

I used to be scared off by verses like these. They are so frightening, unless you look at them from a redeemed view point. When we acknowledge our freedom from sin, we begin to see the horror of not following His voice. The fear we should feel is not of Satan or sin's grasp, but of God. Why? Because without Jesus, God is VERY intimidating. Can you tell the God of creation that you shouldn't get what you deserve? In His love God sent His son to redeem us, and now we look at His commands and know that they are good.

Word on the Way - Isaiah 40:31

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Sunday, May 30
Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Let go of the control, trust and have faith in the Lord. Completely letting Him provide for you and He will not let you down. Follow His heart and He will provide you with His strength to dispel the darkness.

Recently, my fiance and I (in preparation for our marriage) sat down and wanted more faith in our lives. We were in a place where we didn't necessarily need faith (disclaimer: as humans we always need God, but we can live lives ignoring our need for Him). So, we decided to change. We prayed for direction. God didn't say go, He said stay, but stay here. So, we began looking for a new apartment in a less secure neighborhood that was near our Church. Our Church is in downtown Charleston (SC) and it is surrounded by neighbors crying out for Jesus - college students who need more than drinking, young professionals that need a deeper meaning in life, a deep and scared racial divide, homelessness, crime, etc. The Lord provided a beautiful place with a nice kitchen, near a park, near a housing project, near our church, on a quiet road, entertaining space, pretty much everything we wanted and God put in out hearts to do.

God is providing in stages, and I know and hope that He isn't done yet; but until that I day I rest in His provision and promise. "[We] will soar high on wings like eagles. [We] will run and not grow weary. [We] will walk and not faint."

Word on the Way - Romans 12:16

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Saturday, May 29
Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

It is so hard to live like this. Really, do we really live in harmony? If you've ever seen a symphony play, everything is on time and works out perfectly so that the listeners get the full and beautiful effect. People want to come and see and hear the beautiful harmony that our conductor points us to. What would it look like for the church to be in harmony? Right now we just sound like we're warming up, catching up on the symphony gossip, our backs turned to our conductor. Some of us are off playing our on songs. Some of us are playing the song we're supposed to playing but we're off time, or only including our section. Imagine if you heard Beethoven's third with only the percussion, or just the cello's. Do you really think that would sound good? So, why do we think that it's going to work in the church?

This is not an accusation saying I'm better than anyone. To be honest that would just make me even worse. I know that I can't get it right. I struggle every day with this. I want to be in harmony, I want to enjoy the company of others, but I'm the one who thinks I know it all.

Yesterday, I was kicking a soccer ball around near where I am about to move next week. The field is across from a housing project. I could see the invisible wall keeping the blacks in and the whites out. It was like a different country. The church is the same way, as an Anglican there are invisible walls thrown up whenever I speak to a Baptist or Presbyterian. God is weeping over Jerusalem. We are the new Jerusalem and we are failing. We need to repent and lay down our arms instead of attacking each other. We need to lay down our pride and look to God for direction, discipline and unity. We need to stop the mindless theological arguments, stand up for orthodox and authentic Christianity, while unifying around our Savior's last words - the commission to go out making disciples of all men. We do this not for our pride, or our glory, or our fame; we do it because God loved us and so in our reception of that love we conform to His image, follow His heart, and love Him back.

Word on the Way - Ecclesiastes 10:4

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Friday, May 28
Ecclesiastes 10:4 If your boss is angry at you, don’t quit! A quiet spirit can overcome even great mistakes.

I sneaked a peek at this verse yesterday to see what I had coming, and I was a little weirded out by this verse. Yet, as I read it today I started to see what the words were saying. To me its talking about integrity. Integrity is not just about being right all the time, actually anyone can be right all the time. Integrity usually only shows up when you're wrong. When somehow you are called into question; and this verse displays, probably, the best reaction. The verse says, take it! Take responsibility and endure that your boss can see that you are dependable, even when you are wrong.

This is hard. You have to shelf your pride and be willing to be seen as a failure. Yet, as Christians we should be used to this. Christianity is the road less traveled. Unfortunately, now I have to say true Christianity is the road less traveled. The closer we get to our Lord the more we begin to focus less on ourselves and more on Him, the more our motivations change from temporal to eternal. With the Lord's help we will persevere through the rough times with integrity as an example of the Lord's love, which transcends this earthly realm.

Word on the Way - Psalm 86:5

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Thursday, May 27
Psalm 86:5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.

Have you ever been in a place where the good things God has around you just stop feeling good? I don't mean that they become evil, but they just don't feel good. Maybe a better way to say it would be that they stop giving that good reaction, they stop producing a feeling in you. You read the scriptures about love and you don't feel it. You start to wonder what's wrong with you. You feel that you're just going through the motions. Well, I'm there. I feel productive at work, but lost in my morning devotional.

When I read this verse, I felt His love covering me. Here I am wondering what's wrong with me, then God takes the focus away from me and turns it back on Him and His love. That's where God wants us. He wants us focused on Him and His love, and when we're not then we need to stop and refocus; because He's waiting, He's waiting to forgive, to love and to help.

Word on the Way - James 1:12

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Wednesday, May 26
James 1:12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

At first this verse just rubbed me the wrong way. It just felt that God was playing favorites. Maybe it was guilt. I know I'm messed up, and its impossible for me to do good alone. So, how am I supposed to be able to endure? Well, that's it actually. We can't, so in our trials we get on our knees and wait on the Lord. Patiently in faith we endure in His love and strength.

Then there's that reward thing. That also rubs me the wrong way. I'm not a supporter of the 'do this and God will give you that' religion. It's wrong. Yes, God promises to and will bless us; but who are we to expect that anything we do will elicit a response from God? What can I do to earn any blessing from God? Yeah, nothing! Working with that realization, I stepped back and it hit me! What else do I need? I have God! I have a relationship with Him and He's inviting me into that forever! I'm going to be with Him because He saved me from who I was. He has promised me that crown of life! Yet, I know that enduring trials and temptation on my knees in faith, begging for Him to be near, will also bless me. Our relationship will deepen as I cling to Him acknowledging how powerless I really am; but I think James is getting at more.

The truth is God not only saved us, not only brings us closer, but then pours on us more than we need, more than we can imagine. That's the God we serve. That's the God who is calling me to my knees to be blown away by His blessings. I hope and pray that my pride doesn't get in the way, and that I am humble enough to be blessed by our amazing God, and that you are too.

Word on the Way - Hebrews 13:8

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Tuesday, May 25
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

We've all heard that line "What a difference a day makes, twenty four little hours..." accompanied with some sweet jazz.

Yet, that's really the story of our lives. The song speaks about a movement from darkness into light; but I know we've all had our share of the reverse. This world turns and our days can change so quickly. The reality is that we live in a broken world, even if we have those few days that stand to the contrary. Actually, at my current job we fear good days; because we know that a good day is going to bring three or four bad days to follow. Maybe we're superstitious but that's the way the trend goes; and I'm all about trends (but I'm not trendy, I just like watching people's habits and repetitive movements).

There is no trend with God, He doesn't change. He may repeat Himself; but He is creative and original while constant.

Maybe a different way to look at it is through how we define ourselves over our lives. At first we're defined by our parents, then by our toys, friends, school, activities, or cars. Then we move to our jobs, our wives, our house, our dog/cat, hobbies, social circles, and yes our cars. Then we are defined by our children, their schools, their activities, etc. Then maybe its our grandchildren, retirement home, etc. (I haven't gotten that far, I'm only half down the list). If we dig deeper we see that our motivations change over time, who we are literally changes - even if its only the way others look at us. College was big for me because I could experiment with who I am, I learned a lot about who I am, but I was also changed. I feel that I've become more introverted. I hope that I've slowly become a better man.

Yet, God knows who He is and is revealing Himself to us in the scripture, in His creation, and in His relationship with us; and it does not change. He does not change. Though He may speak to you differently today as He did yesterday, He is the same. He was, is and always will be the same.

If there is sin in your life, bring it to Him and revel in His mercy. If you feel insignificant, come sit at His feet and behold His glory knowing that He gave up that glory to be with you. If you feel burned out, come rest in His arms knowing that there is nothing you can do for Him to love you. He already has, does and will forever love you. Rest here, live here, love here for God is here and He is calling you. He's been waiting, so come sit and relate to the love of your life.

Word of the Way - 1 Peter 5:7

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Monday, May 24
1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Let this wash over you. Taking away the burdens in your heart weighing you down.

This is Jesus. Why? Because I needed this verse. I'm sitting here with a bad case of the Mondays wondering if God will ever help me out of this bad job situation. I want to do more than add numbers together and watch them be ignored. I want to do good for the Lord and for the world, and selfishly for myself. But these are worries and cares that are beyond me. I have no real power over my destiny, my path or, a better way to put it, where God wants me.

So, here I am giving my worries and cares to God...well, I'm trying, because its hard. Giving them away means I have to relinquish my control over my life, over these cares that are burning me out. It's actually surprising that I hold onto them, because I really have no control over them. Either you have to accept that God is control or that life is random (you could argue that we have control - but I think in the end we have to answer the fundamental question: God or no God; when we answer that our belief system develops accordingly), but both leave you mostly powerless to really do anything. A random life will leave you spinning your wheels for direction or listlessly following the flow of life regardless of what the future holds. A God controlled life leaves you in the hands of God.

The verse tells us to take our cares to God. I think if you actually pictured yourself before Almighty God, you would be speechless. Your cares would be so insignificant to His glory; but the truth is God cares. Despite our insignificance, despite our sin He still cares for us. He is calling us closer. He is asking to hear our prayers. He is asking us to bring our brokenness to Him. Like Tenth Avenue North in their song "Any Other Way", God comes to us and says "I need your hurt, I need your pain; it's not love any other way". How can God love us if we don't trust Him with our needs?

See, God is not calling us to a religion of independence. He is calling us to relational dependence. I was thinking about this on the way to work; and the truth is God will always be the creator and we will always be the creation. There was a time when I always asked for strength; but I should have been asking for weakness so that I could run to Him and depend on His strength. He wants to love me and my holding back on trusting Him with my worries and cares is holding back on my receiving His love. In other words, my holding on to the control of my life is standing in between my breaking and hurting heart and His love.

But God still loves me. God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit loves me enough to care about my worries. He loved me so much He sent His son, He came down and died, He dwells in my heart.

Word on the Way - Philippians 2:3

Word on the Way is a passage sent out daily by Way.FM

Friday, May 21
Philippians 2:3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

I really struggle with pride. I am always putting myself ahead of others. I love myself more than I love others and more importantly God. I am selfish. I try to impress others, even the ones I don't think highly off. I don't love or care about them, but I want them to be in awe of me. I want to be seen as their leader, as smarter, as better, etc. I am not humble.

-God please forgive my pride. Help me to love others and think of them as better than myself. We are all created in your image, and you have said "when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me (Matt. 25:40)." God I want to love you that much. Forgive me, and strengthen me through your son to be able to work through my sins to love you beyond my pride.-

Word on the Way - Commentary

Word on the Way is a passage sent out daily by Way.FM

Thursday, May 20
Hebrews 13:16 And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.

The goodness in this text is self evident. Only a very heartless and selfish person would not want to make the world better. Even though we choose to do this daily. So, are we heartless and selfish?... well... yes, actually. We are very selfish. The only cure for this is Jesus. The needy are everywhere - in our churches, neighborhoods, cities, workplaces, homes, etc. We are all needy. We need Jesus, because we are sinful, selfish, broken, imperfect, etc. However you want to describe it, it's real. Most of us want to do something about the brokenness in the world; but we all forget.

What makes us not forget? Well, a daily reminder of what Jesus has done for you. A daily walk with the creator of the universe, our savior, would draw us closer to Jesus compelling us to never forget His goodness while also redeeming us in order to go out and be good, to share, and to sacrifice ourselves to our God. Don't you want to please the God who loves you so much He gave everything to love you?

Word on the Way - Commentary

Word on the Way is a passage sent out daily by Way.FM

Sometimes it is easier for me to understand the Bible by writing out my thoughts. This is part of my walk. If you read this I hope you get something out of it. Let He who created both you and me have the glory.

Wednesday, May 19
Proverbs 24:12 Don’t excuse yourself by saying, "Look, we didn’t know।" For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.

Seriously? You mean I can't get away with that? I can't believe that we really dupe ourselves into believing we didn't know. Or worse that we have a right to do xyz. We go around hurting people because we think we're oblivious. Really?

The best excuse is "it just happened!" No one really buys it, but you have to otherwise you can't use it yourself. It's like the infamous "I don't remember" or "I forgot". We use them to take the guilt off of ourselves, but the truth is we're guilty! We are guilty because we knew what we were doing. It's almost like there are two 'Falls'. The one where Adam and Eve sinned against God is the reason why the world is broken. But then there's this other Fall. It's the one that you and I go through everyday. It's when we choose to go against what we know is right. When we say 'no' to integrity and say 'yes' to self indulgence then we Fall again. This is why the world is still broken.

We're guilty and we deserve all the punishment God can throw at us!

But He won't!

That's the Gospel! That's why Jesus came! Because you're guilty and you know it! No matter how long you spend trying to deceive yourself into thinking you're not!! God is telling you, "I know you're guilty! I know you messed up! But I don't care! Stop trying to impress me! Stop trying to not look guilty! You are! But I'm here to take the guilt away. Here! I give you my son to die in your place! Now you are free!"

Word on the Way - Commentary

Word on the Way is a passage sent out daily by Way.FM

Sometimes it is easier for me to understand the Bible by writing out my thoughts. This is part of my walk. If you read this I hope you get something out of it. Let He who created both you and me have the glory.

Tuesday, May 18
Ephesians 4:29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Two things stick out to me with this passage: abuse and encourage

Most of the time when we hear the command to not use 'foul' language we use it as 'fodder' for the legalistic 'cannon'. We use it to back up our human list of barely attainable commands. In other words when we read the passage above we some how interpret it as 'cussing'. We add 'cussing' to the 'Don't do' list and forget the implied 'do' list and ignore the deeper human need.

But I think the Translators really did a good job here. The language is described as foul and abusive. I believe that we often times do not take the time to really think about words (and to be honest that is what the passage is getting at). The word foul is very descriptive when you start to 'picture' it. What comes to your mind when you hear foul? How about: a dirty public restroom? an overflowing trash can? manure?

How do like your language being described as a public restroom?! And I'm not talking about 'cussing'. In a lot of ways cussing is only a symptom. Its a symptom of the cancerous negativity that we spew out on our 'neighbors'.

What about abuse? What comes to mind when you hear the word abuse? A drunk husband or father? How about a drug addict who abuses his body? Abuse is when someone who has control and power neglects the responsibility of that power and uses it for evil. Do you want your words to be abusive?

See the Lord said, "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples (John 13:35)." Foul language is abusive to the body of Christ, this is the opposite of love. We are all sinners and in desperate need of love. What we say is powerful and can express who we are inside. That is why Paul asks us to be encouraging. Why? Because when we mean it we are changed people. When we spend more energy on making sure that others are encouraged we will spend less energy on ourselves - on making sure we have the power. Our hearts will be changed.

See when the Gospel really enters into our daily lives we are compelled to love God for what He has done. When you love someone, you want to spend time with them. When you spend time with someone you love and respect you tend to become like them. This is what God wants. This is His 'will'. So, spend time with the Lord and you will learn to love your neighbor; because despite our sin, God is calling us into His presence and it is there that we will grow in the likeness of our Lord, absorbing His love for us. That love will compel us to go out in the world loving as He has loved us.

Story Idea

If you have a moment read this and let me know what you think:

Jim woke up at 4:30 AM creaking like an old tree in the breeze. He tasted the rancid alcohol on his tongue, left over from another night drowning his sorrows. His wife barely shifted as he pulled up his jeans and got up from the bed. He stumbled off to the kitchen to grab some cereal before he left for work. He tried to be quiet as he passed the children’s bedroom. If he woke them up then he’d catch hell from Ashley, his wife. A second shift nurse was not that angelic when sleep deprived.
Entering the kitchen he slowly stretched his muscles, hardened by daily labor. Jim used to wonder if his life could be different. He had so much going for him in high school. Now, he just did it. The cycle of life just a part of the routine that he found himself grinding out. Like a long distance runner, he just put one foot in front of the other neither remembering the beginning nor seeing the end.
He opened the fridge to grab some milk, but it was sour. He scribbled a note and added it to the collection of tidbits on the fridge door. Then he found a clean bowl and poured out some cereal. Grabbing a spoon he sat down and crunched away at the dry mix. Most days he would just stare at the report cards and family photos on the fridge door, but today his mind kept jumping back to his dream. Last night was the third night in a row of the harrowing nightmare. It wasn’t like any other dream he had before.
He stood on a bank of a river. In the middle was a boat. In the boat was his family. Even though Jim could swim, in his dream he knew it was impossible. There was a storm and waves were crashing against the shore. He told his wife it was stupid to go, but instead of turning and leaving he stood at the shore watching. Suddenly lightening struck behind him. He couldn’t turn. The storm began to grow. The winds whipped his face and the rain beat on his face but he kept staring at his family. Suddenly, a thirty foot wave rose above the small boat and swallowed it whole. Jim realized he was alone. Jim had never felt so alone. His heart ached and he tried to scream. He couldn’t. Then he felt it. He was burning. All his nerves were on fire. He had never felt such pain before, and he still felt the ache of loneliness. Then he fell back and kept falling. The horror of it all overwhelmed him. He never stopped falling and he always woke up then.
He usually shook it off and went back to sleep, but today it haunted him. He remembered the fire, the heat. He remembered the cold wind and rain beating him down. Yet, the most haunting and lasting feeling was the loneliness. He shivered, trying to shake the thought out of his head. He placed the empty bowl in the sink full of dishes and walked into the living room to retrieve a shirt. He picked up his work shirt from the floor and slung it over his shoulder as he retraced his through the bedroom to the bathroom. Five minutes later he was starting is truck and heading to work.
It was the same gray, misty morning he’d seen for the last ten years. The same train tracks and cracked roads, passing dark shapes as the rest of the town was still sleeping. He passed the Baptist church and the Mormon temple then passed the synagogue and the dollar store. His neighbor Johnny had worked at the dollar store ever since the accident at the shop where he and Jim had worked. After the law suit that Johnny didn’t want the shop shut down. Jim found a new job at a different plant, but Johnny with no right hand opened up a dollar store with his settlement money. He went to church everyday, not the Baptist church, the Catholic church on the other side of town. He always said it felt more like heaven when you’re at church with rich people. Jim always said that Johnny may have lost more than his hand in that accident.
Jim passed the gas station and drove the last five miles in peace, only passing a couple lumber trucks. The plant was a large rectangular steel structure were Jim and a few other shop workers helped assemble AC units. They were one of the few American companies left. Oddly enough a lot of the parts they used were foreign. Around the plant were a few strategically planted trees to help keep the energy costs low and so that the plant could use large industrial fans to cool the shop floor, instead of the AC units they assembled. He pulled in and parked in the same spot he had since Tom, the manager he replaced, left to work in sales. Tom was doing well, or had done well. The last Jim had heard of him, Tom had retired early after selling his own company and moving to Florida. Jim could picture Tom playing golf every morning while his wife sipped cool drinks on the beach with the other wives.
Jim felt so distant from that life, that thinking about it again brought back the dream. That feeling of loneliness crept back into his brain and seeped into his heart, turning it cold. He shook it off and climbed out of truck. He slammed the door and a couple birds flew out of the nearest tree. Jim was always the first there, and if it wasn’t for the next ten hour shift after his, he would probably be the last to leave. He had to give a lot to keep the job. When the company downsized he willingly agreed to a ten hour shift. When the company had to cut costs he agreed to less vacation. He had to miss his daughter’s birthday for the last four years, and he even worked Easter Sunday last year. Not that he minded, he didn’t like any church, let alone his brother’s church.
See his brother had done well for himself. He worked through college, where he ‘met’ God and decided to go on a mission trip. When he returned he won grants and scholarships and went to an Episcopal seminary. He had met a beautiful wife and got married. When their father was diagnosed with cancer, Jim’s brother returned home and started a new church. It had done really well. Jim’s brother had a great way of attracting his new rich friends while winning the hearts of his blue collared background. Within the last four years, his church became the largest in the area. They even helped rebuild Johnny’s home when it burned down.
Maybe that’s why he kept having the dream about lightening. Jim was a hero in many people’s eyes because he ran into the burning building to save his friend. Since then though, Jim began to loose his friend. Johnny began to go church more, and kept trying to Jim to go, but Jim would rather drink and sleep in on his one day off a week. The children would go, and sometimes Ashley would go, but Jim always slept in.
He walked slowly toward the door – the same white door that he had seen for the last ten years. The paint was beginning to flake off and the “employee entrance” sign was complete worn off. Jim knew what lay behind the door, but it didn’t help shake the feeling that he was alone. He knew that as soon as he got into the grind and saw his coworkers his feelings would vanish and he could focus on work. He liked his work. He didn’t have to think to much, it all made sense and no one really bothered too much. Every now and then, the plant manager would ask him to change this or that, but Jim made sure everything met the requirements.
He flipped the lights and grabbed his punch card. People told Jim that he must work at the only place that still used punch cards. He didn’t care. Change forced him to think about what was and what will happen. If things don’t change, then Jim didn’t have to think. He walked over to the desk, to look over the numbers and check his messaged. Another cost cutting idea was for the company to post the part projections of the month on a large white board on the wall. Messages were also handwritten. Computers were only given to those with customer contact. Jim didn’t ever speak to customers. So, any messages for Jim were handwritten and placed in his inbox. Like most days, the inbox was empty. The white board showed that the numbers were decreasing slightly; after all not many people used window units anymore.
He walked over to the coffee pot and starting making some as a couple of the guys walked in and punched in. They were laughing at a joke that someone had made outside. They walked over to Jim and all said good morning.
“What’s so funny?” asked Jim.
“Oh nothing really,” said Pete, “Juan here just had his first date last night.”
“How’d it go?” asked Jim. Shane, the plant manager, told Jim he cared to much for his workers and they would see that as a weakness, but Jim had always been kind to his workers – strict but kind.
“Ok,” said Juan blushing.
“Oh come on!” said Pete, “That’s not what you said outside! Our boy went all the way! On the first one too! Lucky little…”
Everyone laughed and Pete and Juan had a quick joke fight around the coffee station, but Juan was eyeing Jim to see what he would say next.
“So, Juan who was the lucky girl?” asked Jim.
Juan blushed and said, “Courtney.”
“Courtney, who?”
“Courtney Jasper,” Juan replied sheepishly.
“I always thought my niece was a little loose and had bad taste,” said Jim.
They all laughed and Pete pounded Juan on the back. They quickly progressed over everyone else’s weekend, but no one ever asked how Jim’s weekend was. That was the rule. They all grabbed a cup of coffee and took their respective places on the line.

Obesity and Bad Diets are Killing America

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Learning Irresponsibility vicariously Through my Superiors

yes, I mean it.
I am slowly learning how to ignore the responsibilities of others though they directly influence my life at work. It sucks but I have to learn to let go.

I think this is the same with God, except that we only see His guiding as irresponsible while it actually is working out better for us.

In my work the actions of others have lead us into a precarious situation. I feel that I have done all I can. So, I have let the stress rise to my superiors to deal with the situation, not knowing what that means for the company. In some ways I feel like a failure, that I let my company down; but I have to realize and acknowledge that I have done all that I can to better the situation with the tools and training they have given me.

God does not work this way. God wants to rescue us from our situations because He loves us. These situations are not God made they are man made. God through his love has granted us the power of messing up our lives but has graciously given us His Son to take all the responsibility. This concept is so hard to live out that many in the modern Church have ditched it as impossible and have raised their banners to the tune of society, normality, worldliness so much so that they now look nothing less and nothing more than a carbon copy of the world, only with something to do on Sundays.

We have sinned. We have screwed up our lives.

BUT

God who has given us the freedom to destroy has redeemed our lives and taken upon himself the responsibility of our sins because He loves us.

That's a professor giving himself up for a plagiarizing student.
That's like a cop going to jail for a drug addict.
That's like your parents admitting to stealing the toy and putting it in your pocket.

The difference is that Jesus gave His life. He died an earthly death of agony so that we did not have to part from Him, ever.

Why can't we see the importance of that? We spend so much time loving ourselves and making the most of this life. Why? Cause this life is all there is. So why can't we see this. Well, Jesus is God, right? So, when He 'died' He didn't 'die' He just lost His body.

Not true.

He gave His earthly life for us, yes, but we must realize what that is, what it means. He died in agony on this earth, descending into Hell for us. What is Hell? Well you can define it many ways, but Hell is being parted from true reality. It is the life that many lead. Many of us experience Hell on a daily basis. Many of us create Hell on earth on a daily basis. What can be worse than being separated from God? From being separated from your real purpose? From true and lasting REAL life!

What could be worse, well anything you think of, that is Hell.

Jesus separated Himself from God to descend into Hell (now this is not just a state of mind, the Bible clearly states that there is an afterlife and you are either in eternal denial of God and thus in agony, or you are worshiping God for eternity). I can't go into all of it now, but know this: Jesus died so that your life could not be wasted. Don't waste it worrying about things out of your control. He is not an incompetant boss, He is the creator of the world, we are the creators of misery, agony and hell on earth.

Today I feel like a new person. A new Christian. I feel like the world around is a magical unknown place I have yet to experience.

I have been struggling under this cloud of suffering ever since I decided to go to Seminary (which I am no longer doing).

Yet, in the past three days God has erupted his love into my life, and I'm not fighting it anymore.

But right now, Today, I just experienced an amazing truth. I was watching the Nooma video Breathe. And in it Rob Bell mentions that the word for spirit and breath are the same. The same word. Did God not breath in us through Adam? He sent down his spirit on Pentecost? Could it not be that God sent down his breath, and since we cannot live without breath we live only because God breathed his spirit into us? Some Raabi's (see video) have said that the name of God is unpronouncable because it is the sound of breathing. Do we praise God by saying his name with the breath He gave us?

Our God dwells in us, His Holy Spirit, His Holy Breath. Lord breath in me!